President Joe Biden quits the presidency, admits he’s feeble and stole the 2020 election, humbly asks former President Donald Trump to reclaim the office, and begs not to be placed under house arrest.
The Supreme Court outlaws abortion in all cases, except for the life of the mother and when the woman is impregnated by a GOP elected official.
$114.5 billion in funding to Brazil is approved by Congress with the express purpose of allowing President Jair Bolsonaro to fund his efforts to clear the Amazon rainforest of all trees and vegetation.
Rachel Maddow announces her resignation from MSNBC for “severe lapses in judgment, both professional and private,” and then apologizes to the GOP writ large for “my unfounded and mean attacks on you and yours through the years. I was wrong and it may have been because I’m a lesbian and an unhappy woman.”
Michael Cohen, former Trump confidant, commits suicide in prison, leaving a note that reads, “Trump was innocent. I tried to frame him. I fucked Stormy.”
Jesus replaces Harriet Tubman on the new $20 bill design.
Owners of cars powered by combustion engines to receive annual $2,500 incentives to keep driving them.
May 6th, Prayer Day, named a national holiday.
A comprehensive national plan titled “Operation Historical Preservation” brings construction of 50 new Civil War statues through the South.
The 14th, 15th, and 16th Amendments are struck from the Constitution.