Top 10 GOP Responses to the Senate Judiciary's Report about Donald Trump's Efforts to Overthrow the 2020 Election
FOTP Friday List for . . . October 8th, 2021
The Senate Judiciary released a preliminary report on Thursday dealing with the extent to which Donald Trump went to overturn the 2020 election. It’s pretty horrific stuff. Needless to say, the GOP and its base are taking it quite well because that’s what they do. It's only the end of the republic, after all.
What follows, then — and this is probably necessary to point out — is satire. I mean, at least so far it is.
Sen. Mitch McConnell: “The same people who are saying Trump wanted to use the Justice Department to decertify the election called me ‘Moscow Mitch,’ which was another hurtful lie that did immeasurable damage to the country. Both sides need to turn down the volume of hate.”
Sen. Josh Hawley: “To the greatest president this country has ever known, my fist will always be raised in support for you."
Rep. Louie Gohmert: “I wish he had succeeded, frankly, even though he didn’t instigate anything having to do with the instigation, or whatever you want to call it. But if he had succeeded, we’d be much better off because we’d have a president who loved this country enough to overthrow it.”
Sen. Lindsey Graham: “I am ready to name names on what Democrats have done in the past about other things that we never investigated — MORE things than you can shake a stick at, as we say in South Carolina, and we have a lot of sticks — so just try me if you think I’m bluffing. TRY ME! And for God’s sake, let the man play golf in peace. We let Clinton go.”
Sen. Marsha Blackburn: “When Hunter Biden is forced to answer for his crimes, selling state secrets to Ukraine, or whatever he did, and when we find out who killed Vince Foster, though I think we know it was Hillary Clinton, President Trump can answer for his involvement on January 6th, even though everyone knows he didn’t do anything but make this country great.”
Sen. Tommy Tuberville: “You know, when I was coaching, we used to say, ‘Cover your man and play hard,’ and I think that just about covers it here, too. We should cover things however we can and play hard. Liberals won’t like what I just said, or even understand it, but the real Americans will — like the people living in my great state of Auburn, Alabama.”
Sen. John Kennedy: “I’m just a country lawyer, but I gotta tell you: When I think insurrection, I think people being shot and garroted. Was Nancy Pelosi executed? Was Chuck Schumer imprisoned? No, they weren’t. Nobody was insurrected. And they were both here, so they could have been. I read this report and I don’t see any crime, but, again, I’m just a simple country lawyer.”
Minority Leader Mike McCarthy: “The GOP will take back the House in 2022, and that’s the most important thing — not this old story about insurrection and whether, what’s the concern here, if majority rule still holds in this country? As for my involvement on that day, I found the president very concerned about the safety of others."
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene: “I don’t think the president did anything wrong but, maybe, listen to the Jewish lawyers in his office who said, ‘Yeah, yeah, you can do this.' Sometimes Jews are pretty smart, especially when it comes to money and business, but for an insurrection, not so much. Better if you get Italian Mafia types. Now, of course, watch the snowflakes on the left say I besmirched Italians. I haven’t. I love them, their heritage, and their food.”
A sorry bunch of groveling fools, term limits could be a growing trend. Louie Gohmert, should lead the parade out the door to Texas