O Meu Diário de Coimbra

The Bed Scene

On the off-chance you bet the UNDER (+/-1) on the times you’d see the phrase “FUCK’N” on a burger banner in Coimbra this weekend, damn, how unlucky can you be? What are the odds there would be two?

As Gamblers Anonymous used to advise, though: Bet with your fuck’n head, not over it.

Praça da Canção, in Coimbra, hosts between April 23 and May 3 the “Portugal Burger Cup 2026”, a gastronomic competition that integrates a national circuit to elect the best hamburger in the country.

Burgers, like all foods, shouldn’t be complicated and/or hurt. I clearly needed to make changes to my order.

So in my best Portuguese I asked the vendedor masculino at the above kiosk to hold the ovos moles (soft eggs), crispy onions, candied bacon-tomato jam, truffle aioli, spicy pepper mix, BBQ sauce, white cheddar, pickles, jalapeños, and replace the pink, black or multi-colored bun on which he was about to put the patties with one that was brown, preferably plain (but, because I’m not difficult, with sesame seeds if that’s all he had), and put the two burgers, as my father used to say, “intimately touching both halves of the bun.”

The vendedor did not say, at least I don’t think he did, “Get out of my country,” but I’m sure he was thinking it.