Heads or Tales
All The News That's Fit To Squint
Claims to have been told he’d be a great Supreme Leader
Washington — President Donald J. Trump said he could be Iran’s next ayatollah.
At a hastily held press conference at the White House this morning, the president, addressing rumors about his becoming the next ayatollah of Iran, said, “I can’t tell you who said the job was mine because he fears for his life, but this guy was totally legit and definitely a Muslim. Sounded like one, anyway.”
The president went on to say, “He told me people in Iran love me for freeing them the way Americans love me for freeing them and that I would be a totally great ayatollah and that the other ayatollahs, the lesser ones — they have a lot over there —all agreed they’d love to work for me. I’m thinking about it.”
Efforts to reach the current Iranian Supreme Leader, Mojtaba Khamenei, reportedly in hiding and possibly injured or even comatose, were unsuccessful.
Later in the day, White Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt said while the details are still being worked out, the president would be “head mullah for a period of time until the Iranian people gave him the job permanently or elected one of their own kind.”
Iran does not elect its supreme leaders.
When asked if his becoming Iran’s ayatollah would mean he’d resign as president, Leavitt said such a move wouldn’t be necessary . . .


